9/11

I was printing out my masters dissertation, in London. When I got a phone call from a friend of mine, telling me "New York is on fire". I laughed and went on with my printing.
Then I saw people running into the common room of my dorm, and went down just in time to see the second plane go into the World Trade Centre. For the rest of the day all I could do was sit in front of the TV and watch as it all unraveled. Watching people jumping out, and the buildings fall. It really did look like a movie, of course I don't believe these things until I called my parents to see if AlJazeera has also confirmed it. So I call my dad, and get the green light.
At the point I realise that one of my good friends-who's family lives in New York-I had not see all day, so I call him, and he is in such shock that I run over to the pub where he has been drinking, watching, and trying to call home since it all started to happen. I just sit there, no knowing what to say, how to consul him...what does one say?
How did that day effect the world? In so many ways, and we all know them. How did it effect me? (yes very self-centred) Well I was on my way to DC...I had an internship with an NGO there, and I was so excited. I had worked on my parents all throughout my Masters to convince them that I needed a year off to decide if I wanted to do a PhD. I of course realised that this was not going to happen anymore. I then had to go to Saudi for two months-and was so bored and frustrated that I applied for a PhD. Which has been the pain in my backside since 2002!
But the good thing is I got to go to Tanzania...and oh my god how self-centred is this post...bas 3adi...let other people get into the political ramifications of it...I mean we all know about it...we have all seen what has happened to the world since those plans crashed into WTC!
Lets just hope that it won't get any worse.

An eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind. ~Mahatma Gandhi

Happiness

Happiness is truly a strange feeling. I had a very strange conversation with my mom last night, where she was kept asking me if I am happy. I kept telling her inno yes mama, for the first time in my life I truly happy. I am healthy, my friends and family are around me, I love Amman-to a certain extent-my PhD is in it's final stages, and I will either find a job here, or go somewhere else-preferable Cairo or New York. The strange thing about the conversation is that she didn't realise that, I reminded her how many times I used to call her from Edinburgh and cry because I was so unhappy, and that here I had not done that. But really do any of us go around saying that we are happy? I sure don't, I know that I am make it unbelievably obvious when I am miserable-to everyone around me-but when I am happy I just get on with life. Isn't that the point of happiness, that you just move along in your life and not have to constantly be thinking about it, reanalysing it, worrying about it? You are just happy. No? As Milan Kundera says: Happiness is the longing for repetition.

Butterflies-GREAT SONG!!!!

This song is by Karl Wolf, Canadian, and it is quite poppy...bas puts me in teh best of moods!

Parents...

My parents are here...living with me in our house...not sure when they will head back to Beirut. Not the point..the point is that I realise that they really do need me around. Not only are they getting older...bas I also think that they are realising that bringing up their daughter to be a bit too independent is not quite as good idea as they thought. I mean don't get me wrong, my parents are VERY open-minded people, they have given my freedom because they trust me. The issue has come up now, because one of my friends has asked me to stay with her while her parents are away, because she is scared of being home alone at night. So my parents call me yesterday, and ask if I am doing something that I don't want them to know about!!!!! I was in such shock...inno what could I be doing that would be so bad that I couldn't do from home???? Selling drugs, cleaning people's houses, prostitution!!!!! I seriously could not believe it.
But I think know what it is all about, its that they miss me, that they want me around, but to come up with this scenario...I mean come on. They could just say Lulwa we miss you...I would get that...bas all this drama-which friends of mine seem to think runs in the family (I know they are really funny)-their was no reason for it.
Or...lets think like them, maybe they felt inno this was the only way to get to me. To make me understand, and that is the truly sad thought. Why should my parents have to go to such extremes to make me feel with them? Ask any of my friends, I am the sort who over talks, over deals, so it should be quite easy for my own parents to come up to me and talk to me. But maybe its like what a friend once told me, inno people like me who talk so much end up being unable to listen to anyone.

Woman talk

Two nights ago I had one of the most interesting nights here in Amman, I sat with two female friends of mine for the whole day-watching movies, eating and drinking-and of course TALKING!!!! We talked about everything, from politics, to having soul, and the existence of God. But of course at some point it turned to MEN-especially when i took out the ever so famous book: He's Just Not that Into You.
I was telling them about what my dad told me, its a statement that has truly terrified me. He told me that most if not all the men that I know-Arab men-are not as open minded as I might like to think. He went on to say that Lulwa, you have to realise that even though they all studied abroad, and have gone out with women from different cultures, and have friends from different countries, they still see a woman as their property. They will marry the virgin, they will marry the woman who will most likely sit at home. I didn't believe him, I couldn't believe him!!!! I am a feminist I couldn't imagine that the men who I am friends with are actually exactly like their fathers and forefathers.
So I did an experiment, I started to talk to my male friends, ask them questions without being over obvious. I asked them that if they would allow their sisters to have their boyfriends over like they were allowed to have their girlfriends over? I asked them if they would happily stay home and take care of the kids, if their wives decided to stay at work? So the answer to the first question, was the I got eyebrows raised! So I kind of didn't press the topic.
The second question got the discussion going, la2no they were willing to talk about it. Some said inno they would both work, others-with a little smirk-stated that they wouldn't mind staying home if she made more money. But there were a few who stated: that kids need their mothers more then their fathers, and as such the mother should stay home. The look of horror on my face...yes you can imagine!
So in conclusion-which I am sure very few of you men and maybe even some women will not agree with-the most open-minded of men in the Arab world-and maybe internationally-are still Chauvinist gits...who want to own their woman!

It's Been Emotional.

My friend last night told me to be selfish...I kind of didn't get it...any pointers...he didn't mean it about money or something like that...I think he meant-well not quite sure...fa lets see if any of you can give me a hint!

To Listen or not to Listen

It is sad when one has to say bye to a stage of ones life. Going to university, leaving university, starting a job, leaving a job...so on so forth...you get my drift. Bas I think one of the saddest things is losing a friend, well not so much losing bas more deciding that you can no longer be friends with each other.
I would like to make a note here, this is NOT a personal entry, I am not talking about any friend in particular in MY life, I am just considering something.
So back to the point I was making, is that there are friends you have that at some point you realise-no this not working. I had friends of mine from high school who after the first three months at university I was no longer able to communicate with them, or them with me. We just had grown apart. Natural...and as thus not so upsetting. But I think when it is quite upsetting is when you just don't know why...bas you no longer like someone. You still love them-as a friend or as a lover-bas you just don't LIKE them. I used to hear that all the time in movies and what not and never really understood it. But it makes sense...it really does. You can love someone and love em deeply..bas just not like em very much. They are either to loud, or to quite, to open or emotionally constipated. Whatever the reason, you just don't want them part of your life anymore, and I think that is one of the saddest changes that happens in ones life. But also one of the healthest!

The Crocodile Hunter

Stephen Robert "Steve" Irwin
(22 February 1962 – 4 September 2006)
-Was an Australian environmentalist and television personality. He was best known for the television program The Crocodile Hunter, an unconventional wildlife documentary series which he hosted with his wife Terri Irwin. Irwin's personality and outrageous antics in the series made him an international celebrity. He also owned and operated the Australia Zoo at Beerwah in Queensland.

Death

In the early afternoon of 4 September 2006, Irwin was fatally stung in the chest by a stingray barb off the Great Barrier Reef in Australia while filming an underwater documentary.

Shortly after 11:00 a.m. local time, Irwin was filming in the Low Isles near Port Douglas, north of Cairns, Queensland, Australia, where he was stung either through his heartor through the left side of his chest and suffered cardiac arrest. After he was stung, his crew called for medical help and the Queensland Rescue Helicopter responded, taking him to Cairns Base Hospital. However, Irwin was immediately pronounced dead at the scene. The Queensland Police Service notified his family and released a statement for the media concerning the event.