I have lately been wondering if the choices I have made in my life, are the right ones. Bas the thought that I have really have been musing, was why have I decided that these are the options open to me. As in did my parents push me in certain directions, was the way they responded, frowned, smiled at what I was considering the reason why I did or didn't do something? Or maybe it is society, am I rebelling against my society, so I do, act in a certain way?
It makes you wonder if we really make our decisions or if all that we are doing is just choosing from a list that someone else has written for us? I really don't know, my parents have never told me no, I wanted to go to the UK they said fine, I wanted to move back to Jordan they said tayib, I want to go and teach in New York they are ok. Bas is the fact that I wanted to do a PhD, that I want to go into academia, is that really what little Lulwa wanted? Honestly, nope, I wanted to be an astronaut, then a lawyer...me a teacher...damn...never even considered it.
I have been revising some of the decisions I have made, and I find that maybe they have not really been made by me...as in I didn't sit with myself and really think-Lulwa you really want this? I just thought, this is the right thing to do, bas right for who I never really considered that question.
But looking at it right now, is making me reconsider what I have chosen to do, and not only that but also what my friends have done, decisions that they have made. Maybe they are freer then me, but I don't think so.
"It makes you wonder if we really make our decisions or if all that we are doing is just choosing from a list that someone else has written for us?"
ReplyDeleteWe were actually discussing this in psychology class yesterday. I don't think we are ultimately free because, even though we might not be aware of it, we are really limited by external factors, by the "list" that's handed down to us by society, parents, unspoken rules, expectations, standards and rewards... There will always be things that are "out of the question", ones that we don't even consider.
And it's true- we eventually tend to go for "the right thing to do" instead of what we want.
It does drive you crazy thinking about it :s
Lulwa, I couldnt' find your email address on your profile...if you are interested in coming to a jp lady blogger meet-up Thursday evening, contact Roba! :)
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