Death

The images that we see daily on TV, the movies that we watch all have somehow made us-or let me not generalise made me-unable or more like accustomed to images of death and people dieing. I had to rethink that yesterday. My dad’s best-friend, my mom’s best-friends husband, and my childhood friend’s father passed away yesterday morning from Cancer. He had been ill for awhile, and I guess it was expected. But I have always been unable to go to hospitals and don’t have the ability that others seem to have to deal with illness. So I didn’t go and see him as much as I should have.
So yesterday when I finally woke up, I found the house empty, only to talk to my father and hear the bad news.
For the rest of the day, I just sat at home and was thinking about it. I have never had someone close to me die-so the idea or concept of death I have never really had to deal with. Well that is not true my grandparents are all dead other then one, bas I was quite young. The idea that someone is gone, not for a trip, or for immigration, or I don’t know, up to the moon…bas just GONE. He will no longer make me laugh, he will not longer make my father laugh-and he was one of the few who could do that-I will not longer be able to talk to him about the situation in Palestine, and hear him analysis it. It all just hit me at different points last night. Bas I think the distressing thing is that my friend no longer has a father. I have no idea how that must be like.
I am an only child (and so is my friend), and to be honest my worst fear is my parent’s death, la2no then I will be completely on my own. I have friends, I have a very supportive extended family, bas my parents are my backbone. To imagine my life without then just feels me with the greatest fear…my hands shake just thinking about it.
I always watched in movies as little kids were explained death, and I always thought that it was a hard concept for a child to understand. But after what happened yesterday, I realise that it is a hard concept FULL STOP. One of my very good friends was telling that ‘Lulwa you need to re-evaluate how you view God and religion’, for it seems that when his grandmother passed away he became more religious. Bas I can’t, or more like I don’t want to, I have always believed what I believe, and that is after a lot of discussion and a lot of self analysis. I was never able to see how people become religious when someone they love passes away, la2no my thought is why take someone I love away? Bas that is beside the point, I am just sad, and I am deeply moved…his death has awoke a side of me that had become complacent with all the images that we are bombarded with.

My he Rest in Peace. I will always remember him, and what a great man, father and friend he was.