Warped

I have come to the realisation that I am currently living three very different lives. There are three Lulwa's existing-somehow-in one body. There is the Lulwa with her friends, who laughs, chats, and just living in a world that seems to exclude all negative-except for the group politics and dramas. Then there is the Lulwa who is at home, her good friend's father has passed away and he is staying with us, so I try to cheer him up, while in my mind all I can think is: "how would I feel if it was my dad who had passed away?" and "he is so strong". Then there is the lulwa who is working on her PhD, listening to the news and has emotions that go from pure anger, to depression, to frustration-and these feels are for both my PhD and what is happening in our region.
How these three are living together, and actually surviving I have no idea whatsoever...they just are...I think it must be a bit healthy to have these feelings and this different Lulwas...no person can be the same wherever they go and whoever they are with. I have been called a chameleon before...and when I was first called that I took it as an insult. Bas I think it is normal...can you see that I am trying to convince myself?!?!?
You have to adapt, to who you are talking to, to the situation, place you find yourself. The lulwa that goes out drinking with her friends in West Amman, can't be the same as the one who goes to Saudi and visits her family there.
I have friends who tell me-with pride-that they can't ijamlo (humour others), and I used to think that this was a trait that I should foster. Bas I have come to realise that if you don't itjamil then you end up alone in the end. I am not saying that people should change drastically...aw compromise on things and ideas that they believe are fundamental. Bas I also think that there situations where one has to step back...and just smile and let people think that everything is ok...wallah I have no idea if I am making sense...and not sure which lulwa is speaking right now...bas it is a thought that I have been having. The strangest thing is when I am speaking to a friend on the phone-so friends lulwa is on-and my parents call me...the clash between the Lulwas is very odd...and very obvious to me...my voice even changes!