Enough For me

Enough for me to die on her earth
be buried in her
to melt and vanish into her soil
then sprout forth as a flower
played with by a child from my country.
Enough for me to remain
in my country's embrace
to be in her close as a handful of dust
a sprig of grass
a flower.

Fadwa Tuqan

Dreams of Trespass

Dreams of Trespass is a book by Mernissi, an autobiography...not the point really, bas I was in the toilet reading it, and I thought about the title, and I find it an amazing thought.
Dreams of Trespass...think about it...not trespassing, bas dreaming about it...its powerful.

Hijab

I have been reading Women and Islam, a book by the Moroccan Feminist, Fatema Mernissi. I have found a few quotes which I find quite interesting, when dealing with the issue of the hijab. To her hijab means segregation and is used as a medium of asserting heirarchy between the rulers and the people.

"The concept of the word hijab is three-dimensional, and the three dimensions often blend into one another. The first dimension is a visual one: to hide something from sight. The root of the verb hajaba means 'to hide'. The second dimension is spatial: to separate, to mark a border, to establish a threshold. And finally, the third dimension is ethical: it belongs to the realm of the forbidden." (93)

"The concept of the hijab is a key concept in Muslim civilisation, just as sin is in the Christian context, or credit is in American capitalist society. Reducing or assimilating this concept to a scrap of cloth that men have imposed on women to veil them when they go into the stress is truly to impoverish this term, not o say to drain it of its meaning, especially when one knows that the hijab, according to the Koranic verse and al-Tabari's explanation, 'descended' from Heaven to separate the space between two men." (95)

"The Muslim God is the only monotheistic God whose sacred place, the mosque, opens on to the bedroom, the only one to have chosen a Prophet who does not keep silent about his concerns as a man, but who, on the contrary, voices his thoughts about sexuality and desire." (115)

This is quite an amazing book, it looks at the role of women from the time of Muhammand and how he dealt with them...really a must read for anyone intersted in this topic, or anyone who would like to see how diverse the interpretations are when it comes to women's issues. Mernissi is an amazing writer, all her books are great, and I've read them all, bas another one that people should read is, Women's Rebellion and Islamic Memory. In it she makes a statement that is quite obvious bas at the same time when I read it I found it quite shocking: "The Eastern man places his honour(sharaf) between the legs of a woman." (This is not a direct quote since I don't have the book on me bas its pretty much what she says.)
Makes one think doesn't it, about how our society is structured and why it is structured like it is?

The Rules

I found this list on The Religious Policeman's blog, and decided to paste it here...as a follow up to the incident posted below! I hope he won't mind:)

The Four Rules of Saudi Queueing.

1. Queue is a foreign word, for foreigners. Saudis do not need to queue. If you see a line of people, that indicates that there is something desirable at the front, and it is waiting for you, so just go and get it.

2. If the line is from the Indian subcontinent, they will not dare to stop you from going to the front. Indeed they will be grateful, in their quiet and humble way, that you have honored their line with your presence.

3. If the line contains Westerners, they may object to your going to the front. Affect not to understand their unrefined languages. If some smartass has a smattering of Arabic, pull a face that suggests you can't make head or tail of his silly accent. However if there are no other Saudis around, be careful, as some of them can become extremely threatening and physical. The men can be scary as well.

4. If you meet another Saudi at the head of the queue, precedence goes to the better family or tribe. Unless one of you has a relation behind the window or whatever it is you are queueing for. However if a Bedu from out of the desert turns up, let him go first, because everyone expects him to be pig-ignorant and not understand queues and you just can't be assed trying to explain it to him, and anyway he can't read so he's probably come to the wrong place and he'll bugger off soon enough as it is.

However the problem arises when there are 10, 000 Saudis, and no other nationalities, all after the same thing, and having no word to encapsulate the notion of "queue".

Muttawa-Religious Police in Saudi

Let me set the scene:
I had been sitting in the parking lot for half an hour, waiting for prayer time to come to an end, so I could go into the store and buy the stuff I had promised a friend I would get him from Saudi. It was humid, I have the flu, and was thus not in the best of moods when I finally got into Extras-the tech store in Alkhubar. I found the stuff I needed, and was standing in line at the till waiting patiently for my turn to come up. I was with my cousin, we were chatting away, not really looking at the line-all of sudden this dude comes in front of me.
Now before I go on with the action let me describe this guy-short little man, wearing a mini-disdasha, the longest beard ever, slippers, eye that were tiny, dark, deep in the socket, with the thickest eye-brows.
So anyhow, I clear my throat, and politely tell him that there is a line, and it was our turn. He turns, barely looks at me, and states flatly: Ya Hurma, you need to cover your hair! Now, what does have to do with standing in line I have no idea...my cousin tells me that the till next to us is empty, bas I had reached my boiling point, as I said, I have a cold, I was sitting in the car/sauna for half an hour, and this little dipshit tells me to cover my hair.
So I shouted at him, I have never shouted at a muttawa before-always been to scared-I told him to get out of my way, and what the hell does covering my hair have to do with standing in line?!?!?
Courageous you might say.
Ha...I had not noticed that this dude had a whole posse with him, and that they were standing waiting for him at the door, when I shouted they came over...I have never been so scared. My heart was beating fast, I was sweating, and I could see my cousin next to me also terrified. We were two girls, both unveiled, with only a driver as our backup-shouting at these 'men'!
The man at the till...looked at me and asked is there a problem?I handed him the stuff I wanted to buy, and just walked straight passed the little munchkin, paid for my stuff and walked/power-walked out of the store.
I should not have shouted I know, could just have walked to the other till, paid and left, and if he said to me, well you were talking and missed your turn, I most likely would have done that. Bas for him to tell me to cover my hair, ino who the fuck is he???

Noses

I have always hated my nose. It is the one thing-or more like one of the things-that I hate about my body. My aunt used to tell me-and maybe this is where my complex comes from-that my mom used to talk about getting me a nose job when I was younger (my mom tells me that this is a lie, bless her heart). Bas I have realised in the past three days how important this nose is to my life.
I am currently suffering under the effects of the notorious summer cold-am in Saudi, its hot, fa its summer-I hate summer colds more then winter colds, in winter one expects to have the flu, fa it doesn't really feel like its something unnatural, but in summer one wants to swim, go out, sit in the hot sun and drink beer. THEN the cold arrives and you are stuck inside...or even worse you go out bas are unable to enjoy anything.
SOOO to go back to my original point, my nose. Since I can no longer smell anything, I no longer enjoy stuff that I used to LOVE...such as, chocolate cake...I ate it just before I got my flu and thought it was the best thing ever-from the Cheesecake Factory-bas then I got it the day of my flu-my aunt wanted to make me feel better-and it just tasted like sandpaper-not that I have ever tasted that bas you get my drift-then we went to Bahrain, and I had a beer-Mexican-and nada...didn't enjoy it...so have decided after long consideration, while lying on the couch with nothing to do and nothing to watch, that I love my nose, everything about.

Poem # 3

I gather up
each sound
you left behind
and stretch them
on our bed.
each nite
I breathe you
and become high.



Sonia Sanchez

Hamas

So it has hit the fan again...Jordan and Palestine, and a call to take sides has come up.
I for one don't believe the story being told by our government. I find it to flimsy, and to well timed for it to be the honest-to-God truth. I don't know if I like being put with the conspiracy theory people, I don't usually go for them-conspiracy theories, bas I think it is very clear, that the Jordanian government-like all the other Arab governments-has been facing a lot of pressure from the West, telling it not to deal with the DEMOCRATICALLY ELECTED Hamas government-and has thus tried to find a way out!
I don't know what I really feel about this whole thing, I am disappointed in our government, I think that it has made a grave mistake, that it should not have canceled the visit...or maybe more to the point, it can cancel (sorry postpone) the visit, but not come up with this tale to do it.
One has to only look at how Hamas has been lately to know that it would not do this, I have been studying this movement for three years now, and I might not agree with everything it stands for, but one thing I truly respect is the fact that it has NEVER taken its battle with Israel outside of Palestine. I don't see how Hamas would benefit as a new government, with all the international pressure on it, to take the battle into Jordan? This movement is extremely pragmatic, and very practical, there is no reasoning-far nor short-that would explain Hamas smuggling these weapons. Some have stated that it might be a cadre of Hamas that wants to ruin its relations with Jordan-again I don't see the logic (and if you don't like this word) then the strategy behind them doing this.
I think it is a fabrication, and I think it is a sad attempt at that. Its fucking awful that one Arab government would deal with another Arab government in such a fifth grade fashion.

Secrets

Am currently watching The View-crap show bas am bored-and they were talking about telling secrets. Ya3ni, a friend tells you something and then says the dreaded sentence-don't tell anyone! So the dilemma starts, I know myself, there are three/four people who when I am told something I instantly have the urge to call them up and tell them. I know that this is bad, since people trust me when things, bas I tell these people because I trust them then not to go and talk about it...anyho this is not the point, on The View, one of the women, said that when people tell 'secrets' it really is a subconscious desire for people to find out. I have heard this theory before, and I know that sometimes I tell certain people things, because I know that they will go and tell everyone...ya3ni within 10 minutes I am getting calls or texts questioning me about whatever it is I told this person.
Bas there are things that I tell only a certain few, and I never tell them-don't tell anyone-because I expect that to be taken for granted. I guess it depends on the subject one is talking about, there are certain things that I find trivial, so when people tell me about them I think-hmm, not so major can tell the close friend-there are other subjects, that I don't tell anyone about-well other then my diary. But this is quite serious especially when you are part of a group, for news spreads quite quickly, and since we are all close, one never really knows who doesn't know about something...and it all get very confusing, and argument happen.
But I trust people, and I hope people trust me, I know that there are certain things that no matter what I will not tell, and there are other things that I just think are not worth concealing, I know what people will say, who am I to decide what is told and what is not?
Guess it is all a matter of judgment, and one thing is for sure, I only tell it to people that I know won't tell-or the very least HOPE won't tell!

Literal Meaning

I have been reading about what is happening in Egypt, and I am truly saddened...I love that country and the people of that great nation. For this to be happening on the streets of Egypt, should make us all ashamed, sad, and also force us to rethink how to shape our lives according to religion. I don't believe in religion-like Marx said it is Opium of the masses-but after reading an article by Karen Armstrong in the Guardian, I had to rethink how I view the religion I was born into-Islam-and Christianity. The article is entitled: Unholy Scriptures. In it Karen tries to make the argument that people should stop reading the scriptures so literally, that it is in the essence, the spirit of the texts that we should be taking.
After reading this article, I decided that maybe I should try and see what Armstrong meant when she said that the Koran should not be read from cover to cover. That it was made to be recited aloud, that meaning comes from the sound patterns that link one passage to another. I went to a reading of the Koran, and I completely fell in love with it, not so much what it was saying, but the voice of the man singing, the way the words-their spirit-moved me, like a good song would. I sit and listen to Oum kalthoum sometimes, on my own, and I go into a sort of trance, I no longer can think about anything but her voice, not so much what she is saying, bas the way it sounds, how it is making me feel. The same happened when I went to the Koran reading, it was absolutely beautiful.

Terminology

The operation that took place in Tel Aviv today, was reported on Aljazeera as a '3amaliya Feda2ya'-Feda'ya operation. This is quite a shift in the terminology being used when dealing with these kinds of attacks. Aljazeera used to call them '3amaliyat Istishadiya'-martyrdom operation, but to have shifted to Feda'ya is quite a change.
In the case of Palestine, the term Feda2i has always been used when talking about the men and women who fought before and during the first Intifada, it also has a very secular overtone to it, since during that time it was the Popular Front for the Liberation of Palestine, and Fateh-among others-that did most of the 'fighting' and they are both groups that are considered quite secular in their direction. Meaning that they are nationalist, and didn't connect the liberation of Palestine with either Islam nor Christianity.
But this operation was done by a man who is affiliated to the Islamic Jihad, and as thus is not secular at all. For them to change the terminology to a Feda'aya operation, is in my opinion, quite profound, and something that is either showing a change in the minds of the Arab street, or an attempt by the Arab media to reprogram how these attacks should be understood by this street. Aljazeera is most probably the most popular venue for Arabs when they go looking for news, and as thus, their use of words, and the way they present what is happening is of great significance.

I love oranges...currently I am going through a phase where all I want to eat is oranges...I love pealing them-even though I hate the smell of my hands after-I love to throw the peels into the fire place during winter...it makes the whole room smell amazing! Bas I love that fruit...it tastes great. I just wish it wasn't orange in colour, I absolutely detest that colour...and would have loved oranges even more if they were called blues...lol...as you can tell Saudi is bring out the real bored version of Lulwa...la2 haram...its just my body is going through a bit of a detoxing period. I have not had a sip of alcohol for two days, I also am having withdrawal symptoms from not seeing my friends...today is Monday and that is a big going out night for people in Amman...and am sure my friends are out, and I am home...helping my 13 year old cousin look for Enrique pictures for one of her friends...lol...

(I wanted to put enrique's picture...bas it seems that blogger in Saudi does not allow this option!)

Singers in my life

I have people in my life who LOVE TO SING! I mean they do it all the time...if we are in the car, at dinner, in a bar, at home, watching TV...or just being bored...they seem to have an inability to sit still and NOT sing. I even have a friend who calls me from Dubi just to sing me a line from a song that he knows I love/hate that has just come on the radio...he shuts the phone the minute he has done his two seconds worth of tearing my ear drum.
Bas what is really funny about these friends and family, is that they don't have that great voices...and what is even better, is that they REALLY REALLY believe with all their hearts that their voices are good...al my cousin tells me: "I do have a great voice, bas inti ma tla7'6een!" Ya Hasra!
Bas I guess we all have these things that we think we are amazing at bas actually suck ass in...3adi...kind of charming! Except when I am in the car...I HATE when people be ja3ro in the car...its just to tiny a space for that kind of aggro. Bas its my friends and family what can one do!!!!!

(Just kidding people-love the singers in my life-continue screaming!)

A Name

I am in Saudi right now, visiting family, and just relaxing...quite nice...the weather is hot, and humid perfect for vegging...and the pool is being cleaned-so I will swim bokra...bas the real nice thing is getting in touch with my family here...hearing their news, being asked to participate in their lives in one way or another.
Currently, one of my cousins-who is also an only child-is going through her teen angst, and as the only other only child in the family, everyone has decided that I should be her private counselor, they ask me why she does stuff, why she says stuff, and how I used to be. My aunt-her mom-seems to believe that I am being a bad influence on her since she is acting exactly like I did when I was her age-bas they want me to talk to her, al they don't like her friends...I mean honestly which parent ever liked the friends of their teenage kids!!!!
Bas the real news is that my cousin is pregnant...and I am so happy...since I will never be an aunt to anyone, the kids of my close cousins will become like my nieces and nephews. The best thing, is that they want to name the baby Lulwa if its a girl!! I am so honored-even though I am sure they are not going to name her that just because of me.
Bas it is also very odd...I mean I have another cousin called Lulwa-actually she is Lulu fa there is a difference...bas I have not met that many women who carry this name...and how possessive I have become of this name of mine. I don't think I would be me if I was called anything else-my baba wanted to name me Maysaloun after the famous battle-bas I just don't think I would have turned out like I am if I was not named LULWA...imagine Maysaloun's Logic...just does not have the same ring to it!!!!

How Very True!

Es tan corto el amor, y tan largo el olvido.
(Love is so short, and forgetting is so long.)

Pablo Neruda

Sheltered

I have realised that my parents have really sheltered me from a lot of things, about Arab society. Now that I am in Amman and living without them-and 28-I am starting to realise things that are really upsetting me. One of the main ones is the whole Christian/Muslim thing. Lately, there has been a lot of discussion between friends of mine about the whole oh he/she is cute bas to bad he/she is Christian/Muslim. Or other friends telling me that they want to meet someone bas they have to to be Christian/Muslim...and at the beginning I didn't take it seriously...I don't think in those terms, fa I don't expect other people to...bas I have come to realise that there are people here in Amman, who still think in those terms and I don't like it. Take a story I heard of recently-not a very unique story bas yalla-this Muslim girl and Christian guy have been friends for quite a while, and they slowly start to fancy each other, bas because of the difference in religion, they never do anything...I got very upset when I heard this, and just can't understand why? Its like Romeo and Juliet!!!
Bas seriously, why should this be an issue, mish the important thing is for two people to be in love, to want to spend their time together, willa does it all come down to this divide? I understand that there is a lot of family pressure, and that even if people in our generation did fall for each other, the families would have a cow. But I have a friend who married the man she loved, and he was Christian, and British, bas she did it, and the family is ok with it now...they even love him...and whatnot...fa it can happen...another true story comes from my parents, my mom was disowned by her family for FIVE YEARS, because she married my dad-who is Muslim bas Palestinian (whole other can of worms there) and they finally gave in because I was the first grandchild! Maybe I am too idealistic, bas I really would like to think that if someone is interested in me, or if I am interested in someone, that religion won't stand in our way.

Are women Human

This is the title or an article in the Guardian today, and the of a new book by a Feminist scholar and lawyer, Catharine MacKinnon. (She graduated from Smith, which makes her an amazing woman for me already) bas having read some of what she says, I am even more impressed. She has been fighting for women's rights in the legal context, and is not afraid to state that the laws currently in place when it comes to rape,"the fact that the law of rape protects rapists and is written from their point of view to guarantee impunity for most rapes is officially regarded as a violation of the law of sex equality, national or international, by virtually nobody."
There are famous feminists who do not like here, call her a Fascist (even more reason to like her), that she is promotes "Victim Feminism", Naomi Wolf claims that Mackinnon, "urges women to identify with powerlessness, even at the expense of taking responsibility for the power they do possess."
But to listen to what this woman has to say is quite mind opening, and really honest.
She states that that until sex inequality is tackled legally women will continue to be raped, murdered and served up as masturbation fantasies for men. To follow her logic, she says that heterosexual sex in our societies is based on inequality, she states that: . "In the same way that, say, friendships between black people and white people in societies that are racist do." She goes on to criticise the governments in all the world. Saying that even though they all say that they want to end sexual discrimination in all its forms, hardly any have delivered on this. "You don't have countries saying that, 'Yes, we have sex discrimination here and we want it. We're entitled to it and we enjoy it.' You don't have them saying that; you have them doing it."
In her new book, Are Women Human? MacKinnon answers the question stating that no they are not. "If women were human, would we be a cash crop shipped from Thailand in containers into New York's brothels? Would we be sexual and reproductive slaves? Would we be bred, worked without pay our whole lives, burned when our dowry money wasn't enough or when men tired of us, starved as widows when our husbands died (if we survived his funeral pyre)? ..."
MacKinnon writes that violence against women "qualifies as a casus belli and a form of terrorism every bit as much as the events of September 11 do". Is she serious that violence against women should be treated as a war? "I think only because it's men doing it against women that it isn't seen as a war."

Skinny or Funny

JK Rowling, the Harry Potter author, has come out to say that she worries about her daughters growing up "empty-headed, self-obsessed, emaciated clones". She went on to say that she would rather they were, "independent, interesting, idealistic, kind, opinionated, original, funny, a thousand things, before 'thin'." As a non-skinny woman, I agree with her completely, my mom-bless her heart-has never been the kind who would nag me or constantly tell me that I need to lose/gain weight, or even that I need to finish my plate. This has caused me to be a semi-healthy eater-other then the fact that I have NES...lol-and also not to worry about how much I weight, or if I look good or not look good. My mother would not allow me to play with Barbie, and I had to go behind her back when I was younger to my friends and play with their Barbies-I even got a Barbie as a gift one year and my mom made my uncle return it and buy me Lego instead-I was allowed Legos to my hearts content, I was allowed puzzles anything that would feed my brain-bas not allowed a Cabbage Patch Kids, those first kitchen set-ups...you get the point...bas I think that this was good.
I will not allow my daughter to have a Barbie-she can have a Fulla...lol!

Levels of Boredom

I always get this way just before I have to pack and leave. I start to get really fidgety, and my level of patience and boredom reach the lowest level. I have no idea why, I guess it is about the excitement of going somewhere new-well in my case not new bas different-and just wanting the date of travel to arrive as soon as possible. I am going to Saudi on Sunday, to renew my residency there, and to see my extended family, from cousins, aunts and uncles. I also get most of my shopping done there, it’s cheap and they have EVERYTHING!
Bas this trip is a bit different, my family has a hospital in Al-Khubar, and they want me to stay for a bit and help out. Now I didn't study medicine, or management, bas it seems that it is time for me to pitch in with the family business. I have no idea if I will do it, and to be honest for me to survive in Saudi-which I love don't get me wrong-is not something that I can see myself doing. Bas I guess at some point one has to put their preference on the side, and just do what the family needs, I have quite a few friends here who work with the family, and some are not very happy, bas I think that it must be a great feeling to actually know that what you doing is not something that is just helping yourself, bas your whole family...bas I am digressing...last night I saw how my level of boredom has reached supreme levels, I just was unable to deal with some of the people who were around me-and I know my friends read this blog, and please don't get upset-I am just tired of the same conversations, the same topics, the same issues, I want new stuff to happen, and not just to me, bas to my friends and I. On Saturday we went to a friend's farm, and we played tricks all night, and that was just fun...well I had fun.
I think it is just we all need a holiday, or at least I need a holiday...I have never been very good at being in one place for very long, restlessness hits, and I get annoying and annoyed...lol...point of this post...none what so ever...pure gibberish...and the PhD calls now!

MSN Conversation!

umana says: inti unbelievable
Lulwa's Logic says:
why?
umana says: heik
umana says: cause you always have interesting shit to bash men
Lulwa's Logic says:
they are an easy target!
Lulwa's Logic says:
lol

Could not stop laughing

10 strange things men do...lol

1 Cycling with no hands. Why? With folded arms is particularly obnoxious.

2 Throwing things in the air and catching them in their mouths. Sweets, nuts, cigarettes. Presumably it is supposed to demonstrate coordination. If it worked, women would regularly fall in love with seals.

3 Undoing bra straps with one hand. They think it shows confidence and experience. It's just sleazy.

4 Wearing massive boxer shorts. Why do men do this? Best guess is that they flatter themselves that their giant organs need the spare capacity.

5 Whistling. Presumably once a mating call, redundant since we evolved for speech. It is never musical, except at the end of '(Sittin' on) the Dock of the Bay' by Otis Redding.

6 Carrying a big bunch of keys. Suggests ownership of big cave.

7 Driving around in white vans with one wireless phone headset in each ear. Suggests potential to be rugged fighter pilot.

8 Making a fuss. 'Waiter, this wine is corked!' Dates back to Neolithic times when weak cavemen could achieve alpha status by annoying other males into submission.

9 Wearing hair gel. Robbie shouldn't, nor should you.

10 Goatee beards. Anthropologists say it indicates civilised manliness: 'I produce lots of hair, but I deftly sculpt it with my razor.'

The Observer, 10 strange things that men do...

Life

My new motto in life is quite simple:

Ignore, Eject and Flush!

Simple and BRILLIANT-if I say so myself.

Liberal Fascist

Having just come out of the closet as a Fascist, and a liberal one at that (some friends have named me the Blatant fascist), I look around me at my friends and have come to the conclusion that we are ALL fascists, bas each in their own way. I have a friend who tells me that she is not a fascists, bas-and I am quoting: "I defend my arguments in a fascist way cause all of you are fascists!"-LOL-a true fascist in denial!!! I have another friend, who is just so soft spoken and accommodating, that in the end you do what she wants-a sweet fascist!!! I can go on and on...bas really I have seen that since I made my fascism public people have been able to deal with me easier, they know where I stand and what I believe in and well they either go along with me...aw we have a DRAMA!!! HA!
This word has, because of the likes of Franco, Hitler, and Mussolini, been given a bad interpretation, and people look away in disgust when someone says they are a fascist, has to be changed. For a language to keep developing we need to redefine words, like Feminists, Terrorist, Freedom Fighter, and so on...fa lets do that with Fascists. Seriously, a fascist is just someone who wants the world to run according to them, and will try to boss, convince, shout, sweet talk, people into doing what they want.
So I think that people should look into their hearts, and just decide what kind of fascist they are, and then be proud of it.
YALLA!!!!

Interesting article.

I check out the Guardian everyday-favorite newspaper back in the UK-and today I found an interesting article. I am not going to comment on it-yet! Because people will say that I am just bitching out men.
Bas do read it, tell me what you think, if anything it is quite interesting, for both men and women.
The Books that move men

Enjoy.

Va Va Voom

We are through to the Champions Semi-Final...and I am so proud...its the first time for my team to get this far in this league, and well what a feeling. We will do it...I am sure...we can win the whole thing...and with the beauty-and skill tab3an-of Henri with us...nothing can get in the way of the Gunners!

Wednesday, 19 April 2006
Arsenal v Villarreal, 19:45 (British time)

Will have to watch it in Saudi with my cousins-not the same to watch footie without a beer-bas as long as we win...Fuck it!

Pick-up lines

My most favorite pick-up line is:
Your father must have been a thief for he stole the stars and put them in your eyes.
I know that it is a cliche, and cheesy, bas I love it. I think that any man who has the balls/lemons to come up to me in a public space and say that to me in front of my friends-who would give him a hard time-deserves at least 5 minutes of my time!
Fa I would like to know what are you guys fav lines-from both genders-lines that you like to use or like to be used on you.

Women and Toilets

Last night I stood in front of the women's toilet at Amigo for over 15 minutes, and I had just walked up when the girl before me walked into it. Why do they/we take so long?
I mean if you think about it, we do the same thing as men, we piss or do a number 2, bas men go in and come out...bang...no fussing around...taking ages. I understand that we have to sit, and well in one case they don't have to-and I only found out last year that they don't pull down their trousers when they piss...ha-bas still, why do we take so long? At some point, a woman came up and was waiting for the lou also, and she came up with the reason that some woman might be smoking in there, and I have noticed that when you go into the women's lou in different places here and other Arab countries, there is always the smell of smoke-and well to be honest I do that when I am out with my parents-but not in a lou where there is only ONE stall...and this is Amigo fa come on!
So if someone can please provide me with an answer to this question, I would be very grateful!

Foul Language

So after reading the comments on my post, Best line on messenger, I thought about it a bit. The whole point of the post was kind of over-looked, and the discussion became about using fuck in posts, and that is fine. I enjoy criticism, bas the one comments that I didn't think was very valid, was the one that stated:
"When a woman uses foul language it sounds so distasteful to a point that annoys everyone around."
Now this could be just an attempt to get me all worked up, since it is obvious that I am a feminists, and a comment like that would just get on my nerves, ino what ya3ni, men can swear but when women do it it makes them sound less ladylike? If that is what it means to be ladylike, I don't want to be that, SHUV IT!
But going back to the subject, I use the word to emphasis, and I like it, it does make a statement much more powerful, I love the sound of the word, the look of the word, and really I will use it. I understand that people don't like it, and well I don't use it all over the place, only when it makes sense for me...bas like one of the comments said, I wanna use it, and I want people to read this blog-whole point of a blog really-bas I will not stop. For those who don't like it, just over look it, and for those who don't care, well enjoy!

Night-Eating Syndrome

I was in a coffee-shop the other day, with some friends, picked up Couples (it was the only magazine provided) and found that there is something called Night-Eating Syndrome (NES). After reading about it, I have diagnosed myself with this eating disorder. So what is it?
If you're spending more time each night in the kitchen than in the bedroom, you may have a newly identified eating disorder. Called night-eating syndrome (NES), the condition ischaracterizedd by a lack of appetite for breakfast; the consumption of more than 50 percent of daily calories after the evening meal, and waking up, at least, once a night to consume high-carbohydrate snacks.
So I dont' wake up to eat, bas I do never have breakfast-never feel hungry when I first wake up-and I usually only feel hungry in the evening, which is when I start wishing and dreaming of all the food that I have not eaten all day. It is a bit creepy to think that I might have an eating-disorder, and I really do have to research this thing a bit more, I realise that a lot of people don't eat in the morning, and eat later, bas the fact that I only get hungry at night is odd. I mean I can drink coffee smoke a ciggie and I will no longer feel like eating anything. I am not sure if I should blame my parents for this-since in most of these cases parents can be blamed-just kidding.
Bas I really think that it is kind of scary to think that I might have an eating disorder, I have had friends who were Bulimic and it was worrying to see them go through that, and then helping them get over it was tough, for it makes you reassess all sorts of things, from ones own eating habits, to how society makes one feel. I am not sure how NES can be blamed on society, bas it must mean something that I only feel comfortable eating at home, and at night.

Do You Have Night-eating Syndrome?

* You eat 50 percent or more of your daily food intake after dinner
* You have no appetite for breakfast
* You have trouble falling and/or staying asleep
* When you wake up during the night you often eat
* The foods you eat at night are mostly carbohydrates

If you have any combination of these signs, consult your doctor.

Best line on messenger

My friend Michael-first time I name a friend on my blog-has given me the best line on MSN messenger today and I want the world to know it:

Michael says:
bas jad, YO MAN, he really is like 3 seconds away from recording a country album!

Ok you don't know the context...bas fucking funny anyway you look at it!!!!

Mad Girl's Love Song

"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head)

the stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in;
I shut my eyest and the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade;
exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head)

I should have loved a trunderbird instead:
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head)"

Sylvia Plath

Blind Date

I have always been curious how these things go, blind dates, have heard friends talk about them, watched movies, and read books about them, bas never gone on one. Well until last night, it was not so much a date, since we were in Amigo and we each had our friends with us, bas we were supposed to meet, and to get to know each other, and it was well interesting...to say the least. I had talked to his guy on the phone the night before, and how strange it is to speak to someone, you form a certain impression of what they will look like, be like, and even more scary is that they form an impression of you, and how you are going to be like, and then well you meet. I was odd...yet kind of exciting, I had a day full of anticipation, wondering what he will be like, if he will like me, if we will have stuff to talk about...then I found out that he was excited about the meeting also, and I got even more exciting...so went to Amigo with my friend at my side-needed her there-and we met, and it went well, we talked, we laughed and well we will see. Bas I had a great blind date experience, so I might consider doing it again, I just realise it is fun to meet new people, men, talk to them, flirt with them, and then just go home feeling like your ego has just been doubled if not tripled in size. ha

Sun and Moon Sign

I have a friend-and you know who you are-who has recently gotten me into the whole Sun/Moon sign thing. I always felt that the discription of a Pisces didn't really do me justice, but combining it with my moon sign, Taurus well is more of an acturate discribtion of me. This friend of mine, whenever I talk to her about things concerning people, and how they act or what they say, somethings explians these actions according to these signs, and lately she has been quite accurate when it came to my current relationships-or lack of.
The influence of the Moon sign is subtle, it relates to the personality beneath the surface; your feelings and your subconscious self. It shows how you react to those around you based on the sum of your conditioned viewpoint and unguarded self-projection. The Sun is the core of the individual; the overriding nature and will. Now it begins to be clear why each of the Sun signs can reflect such observable traits and yet still come in so many varieties.

So here is my combination:

Pisces/Taurus
The combination of your Sun sign and your Moon sign produces a personality that is highly sociable, and one that clearly possesses a good bit of social tact. You're a sensitive person, but you likewise have an acute sense of the other person's feelings and sensitivities, and you therefore are a very agreeable person that avoids hurting anyone--that is until you're opposed--and then you can get very stubborn. In other words, you are easy to get along with; you don't impose on people, but you definitely won't allow yourself to be imposed on either. You feel that debts have to be kept even, and even in a social sense, you don't like to feel that you owe anyone. This may be because you are a little bit unsure of yourself, and want to make sure you say and do the right thing. This combination blends the Pisces understanding, sensitivity, and a sense of adaptability, with the practicality and determination of Taurus. The two signs blend well, and are mutually strengthening to one another. This pairing allows coexistence of an easy-going nature, yet one possessing a stability and tenacity of will not often found in the Pisces native. You have a staying power and a control over impulsiveness that allows you to take things in stride, and you seem to have a simple and efficient way of getting things done. Nonetheless, there is apt to be considerable sensitivity in your nature, and surely a great deal of feeling for things and people. This is a combination that very often produces talent in an artistic or musical sense. Both signs are creatively imaginative and suited for a career in the arts. The social attitude of this pairing provides a deep consideration of others that is very beneficial to success in a wide range of endeavors, business and professional.

If you know your Moon sign, then check out this web-page which will give you the combination of both: Astrology: Sun and Moon Combinations. If you want to figure out your Moon Sign first, then go Goddess Astrology, the web-page is a lit of a process, bas worth it in the end.

Conversation about Love

Last night, over a couple of GodFathers, my friends and I philosophized love, these two friends of mine, are very sensible, compared to moi, who is Ms. Water Sign, follow her feelings even if they lead her to the edge of a cliff. Actually that is unfair to them-anyone is sensible when it comes to love in comparison with me-they are just sensible, and I am really grateful to have them in my life-really they keep me grounded-anyho, we were talking about love, and they were saying that one should marry not only because of the butterfly in the stomachs, bas also because it is convenient, as in, you are friends, you get a long, mish only you are passionately in love with each other. For they were saying that this passion goes at some point, and what you are left with is someone that you either care about and can have a conversation with, aw you end up leaving each other. Well this is what my mother always tells me, Lulwa this love that you sing, read and watch movies about is not real, there is no ONE right man/woman for anyone.
I don't believe this, or more to the point I don't want this, I want an all consuming love, I want something that just rocks my world, shakes me to the core, and just makes me fly so high. I know the consequence of something like that, is that I MIGHT, fall flat on my face, I might get my heart broken, and my world that has been rocked might never go back to normal, bas I don't care, I know I will be fine in the end. I am willing to risk all that, just to have those few moments of true bliss, of true joy of seeing the face of the person you love, making them laugh-hey even making them cry sometimes-But that is the kind of love I want, for as the British writer, Thomas Dekker said: O what heaven is love! O what a hell!

He is sexy!

I know some might find me a bit strange for saying this, but I saw an interview for his guy last night, and I was so wowed...he does not look like a sex god, and he is not thin, or very handsome, but I have fallen MADLY for Philip Seymour Hoffman. I just think he is amazing-not only as an actor which I think we would all agree on, bas as someone who just turns me on! I mean you have to listen to him speak, he is fucking brilliant. I first saw him in Scent of a Woman, bas at that point was swooning over Al, bas I noticed him, and he has stuck in my mind even though I didn't know his name or anything, bas I always ended up watching movies that he was in. I loved him in Magnolia-eventhough I didn't get the movie, bas it had three of my favs, Julian Moore, Tom and of course Philip-I watched Along Came Polly just for him-and he was disgusting in the movie bas I still found him sexy-He was great in The Big Lebowski-which is a brilliant movie dude-and well what can I say, I think he is one of the SEXIST men ever, and I don't care what anyone says. He has been a great number of other movies, some I have seen other not, bat right now I am dying to see Capote, which he won best actor for...and I have heard its an amazing movie! (sorry went a bit wild on links there...ha)

Bored and ranting

Today I decided that I will not shop at Cosmo anymore. No real reason, just like that...mazaj...prefer Safeway, and I only go to the one in 7th Circle...don't go near the other one at the end of Gardens-nope just the one on 7th circle. When I first got to Amman I would always go to Cosmo, especially when I found they had ham which is something I really miss eating after being in the UK for 10 years. Bas lately, I have decided the safeway is the way to go...I like it's name-the Safe Way to shop, at least that is how I am interpreting it.
Why I am telling you this? Wallah no reason, just felt like it, am sitting at home, bored out of my mind. Went out for a drive in the rain-LOVE THAT-and got my ticket for my trip to Saudi-can't wait, went to Safeway-ha-saw that they had a leak and since we have a leak at home I felt a certain bond with the buckets all over the place.
Feel like I should be doing something, making something, oh got cake mix guess I could do that, bas then my mom will eat it and she is trying to not eat sweets, fa can't do that...hmmm...could drive her to the airport, bas again not really in the mood for that...khara I know since she is my mom and well carried me for 9 months...bas waevar...there is a book signing today...could do that...or cut my hair...do my nails...jump out the window...lol...joke...bored...annoyed...my creative writing teacher used to say that the best way to write something is just to start writing/typing whatever comes to your mind...so am doing that now...bas guess I have to censor some things...ya3ni...not good to let people know to much...then the element of mystery will be well gone! ha My friends hate that ha...I love it...so expressive, can be sarci or a genuine statement of joy...ha...ha...ha...and the (...) love it...can't write my PhD without going through it and making sure that I have not (...) anywhere in it...or written bas instead of but...why is writing written with one t and written with 2...I hate when people call and expect me to know who they are...al its me...who the fuck are you?

Statement

I would like to say that I am one of the most GULLIBLE people to ever walk the earth...this will be proved which ever way the Hassan Ahmad thing turns out. Either if it is an April's fool played on us/me by Play FM or if anonymous turns out to be the idiot playing the joke on me.
You would think with a PhD, and writing it on Hamas and Hizbullah in particular, I would have learned not to take everything at face value, and to take time to think about it. BAS NOOOOOOOO...that just would not work well with Lulwa's Logic...bas since I am lately going through a 'get to know myself better and work on what I don't like' phase, I will add that to the things that needs to be worked on.
Or,
I could be playing a joke on everyone! ha.

They Finally Meet

Two sides of my life met last night, my friends and my Mom. It was strange, I had told my friends that my mama is coming to visit for a few days and that I wanted to take her out for a drink, and if they would like to meet her. Well I was surprised that they were so enthused about meeting my little mama, and well at the same time very happy.
So the meeting took place last night, in Dubliners-right next to Rovers and really much better if you ask me. It went really well, mama is talkative and quite friendly, and my friends were putting the effort, there were some awkward silences, bas 3adi. Well...you know how in movies the lawyers always prep their witnesses before they go on the stand-well I should have done that with both sides.
My friends started the evening off, stating that I am a chain smokers, ya3ni they could have said that I smoke once in a while, social smoker, bas NO...had to go for the "she smokes like a chimney", which mama then said, "oh I thought she quit"!!! What made it all even worse, was the fact that they could all SMOKE while having their drinks, and I had to sit there...watching them...one of them even said "don't worry, Lulwa, we'll smoke a lot so you can inhale some of it!" I was going to strangle him...I had to go to the toilet every once in awhile...to have a ciggie...and again one of them -same dude-said "what do you think she is doing in the toilet for so long?" When I was asked why I am not smoking.
My mom had her own agenda, she went around the table asking people what they work, only to reach me-currently unemployed but working on PhD-and asked me, "and you lulwa?" Laughter all around...the conversation then went on the subjects of how I give up easily, how she bought me a piano, tennis racket and 3oud, bas that I never continue in anything for very long. How I am a drama queen...and well a night of enjoyment for mama and friends who enjoy taking the micky out of me.
Bas I am not complaining, they got on, and that is what is important.

Brilliant?

Yesterday while driving around Amman, I heard the Hassan Ahmad is going to start making his own show on Play FM. It will be the morning show, and I missed it this morning-sniff sniff-fa am hoping with all my heart that some genius recorded it and is going to post it on their blog.
I am not yet sure what to think of this idea on Play, bas I must say that I give credit were credit is due, it is a great marketing idea. I mean even people who didn't like the whole thing that happened after he got his nice-pod, the whole article in JO, and the responses to it, I still think people will tune in and listen to him. I think this is really good for him personally, he is probably going to get paid a bit more then what he was getting before-willa he would not have left his job-and he is getting more then his fair share of the 15 minutes of fame! We will probably start seeing him in places like Nai and Prana, he will be the next Paris Hilton-bas in male form and since I have not seen him I don't know if he is that hot or not bas you get what I mean!
So good luck Hassan, and will tune in bokra for sure!

Commitment

I know that usually women bitch and moan about how men are commitment phobic, and how they want to settle and the dudes are the ones who are not allowing it. But I have realised that in some cases this is a farce, a show, women finding a scapegoat.
I for one am TERRIFIED of actually settling down, that is why I always go for the wrong guys, the ones who from the start I know will end up breaking my heart, bas I keep doing it because then I can blame them for it not working-they are assholes, gits, wankers...you get the drift. But if a guy likes me, I always end up thinking there is something fundamentally wrong with him, am a true Marxist lover, and then run off. And I did a bit of research, spoke to a few female friends of mine, and came to the conclusion that in a lot of the cases these women are exactly like me.
I have a friend who is smart, funny and quite pretty, and I was asking her last night what was going on in her love life. She told me that is currently just starting a relationship, but that she is mortified of the idea of marriage and wanting to settle. That the guy is she is dating does not live in Amman, and is not Jordanian, that she decided on going down the route of a long distance relationship to avoid the likelihood of anything serious from happening. She ended a FIVE YEAR relationship just because he started to talk about wanting to marry her, and she went for a guy who at the end of five MONTHS broke her heart.
Then I have another female friend, who fancies this dude, and says there is a spark between them, bas because he wants to get married-ASAP-she has backed off, and even though she still fancies him, and gets upset if he chats up other women, she doesn't do anything about it, because-and I hope you are seeing a pattern-she is a commitment phobic!
Fa the next time some woman starts to bitch about how men are assholes because they don't want a girlfriend, to start a relationship, (and there are a lot of these men) remember that its just as likely that she chooses these gits because she does not want to settle, to fall in love, to really give a bit of herself to someone else.