I know that usually women bitch and moan about how men are commitment phobic, and how they want to settle and the dudes are the ones who are not allowing it. But I have realised that in some cases this is a farce, a show, women finding a scapegoat.
I for one am TERRIFIED of actually settling down, that is why I always go for the wrong guys, the ones who from the start I know will end up breaking my heart, bas I keep doing it because then I can blame them for it not working-they are assholes, gits, wankers...you get the drift. But if a guy likes me, I always end up thinking there is something fundamentally wrong with him, am a true Marxist lover, and then run off. And I did a bit of research, spoke to a few female friends of mine, and came to the conclusion that in a lot of the cases these women are exactly like me.
I have a friend who is smart, funny and quite pretty, and I was asking her last night what was going on in her love life. She told me that is currently just starting a relationship, but that she is mortified of the idea of marriage and wanting to settle. That the guy is she is dating does not live in Amman, and is not Jordanian, that she decided on going down the route of a long distance relationship to avoid the likelihood of anything serious from happening. She ended a FIVE YEAR relationship just because he started to talk about wanting to marry her, and she went for a guy who at the end of five MONTHS broke her heart.
Then I have another female friend, who fancies this dude, and says there is a spark between them, bas because he wants to get married-ASAP-she has backed off, and even though she still fancies him, and gets upset if he chats up other women, she doesn't do anything about it, because-and I hope you are seeing a pattern-she is a commitment phobic!
Fa the next time some woman starts to bitch about how men are assholes because they don't want a girlfriend, to start a relationship, (and there are a lot of these men) remember that its just as likely that she chooses these gits because she does not want to settle, to fall in love, to really give a bit of herself to someone else.
Guys ALWAYS think it's only hard for them to get married so they keep coming up with their crazy tests, thinking that marriage is every girl's dream... but what they should know that it's hard for us as much as it's hard for them... or even harder! Marriage is a tough decision for both!
ReplyDeleteAlthough I agree with you on some of the points you raised, I have to say that I am against generalizing altogether ...
ReplyDeleteIt is true that some of us are just terrified of the idea of marriage but not to extent of it becoming a phobia ..
what you are describing here applies to both men and women ..
I salute you for the courage in admitting your own fear and facing it .. good for you!!
I don't mean to gereralise, and that is why I say some women...and its true it applies to both genders, bas I had not realised that it was so wide-spread within mine, or that I am like that.
ReplyDeletemaybe marriage altogether is a bad idea... dont u think? :D
ReplyDeletei am one of the people who think that, if you love someone, you give em their freedom instead of looking after how to take that away...
but thats beside your point; anyways, maybe u'r doing urself a favor without realizing it! Its probably ur sub-conscience telling you that you are not ready yet...
Well it actually depends on your understanding of the concept of marriage...who said that marriage means the end of fredom??? believe me it all depends on finding Mr. or Miss right, that's all.
ReplyDeleteI've been married for the past 3years and believe me, i've never enjoyed life more. we share the same hobbies, we like doing the same things, we go to discos, drink, go on picnics, ect. We agreed upon not having children for the time being as she is still studying, and really if u block out the society influence and interference, everything should turn out fine.
So it really is about finding the right person, and making pre-marriage aggrements, that should overcome any "commitment phobia"
But if it's "monogamia phobia" then that's a totally different issue.
I have to agree with sapphire. It's all about meeting the right person. It may be tough to imagine it at first, that this is the woman/man you'll spend the rest of your life with. But once you find her/him, you'll want to live in your own bubble with that other person. It'll come. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteWhat really strikes as alarming in the cases you listed as examples is the apparent lack of communication in the relationships or pseudo relationships between the men and women, why are we going around in circles this way?
ReplyDeleteIf and when the time comes and one (whether man or woman) is ready for such a commitment then they should be able to communicate that, if not then that should be communicated too, if that was the case at the begining of every relationship there wouldn't be much room for heart breaks and name calling...